These Phrases given by A Father That Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger failure to talk amongst men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."